This week, just when I was beginning to write the introduction to my heart-wrenching memoir called "Ha-ha-funny-joke-I've-had-an-interesting-four-months-in-an-anthropological-kind-of-way-and-now-I'm-ready-to-go-back-to-my-real-life," two television miracles happened to me.
The first was actually less miracle and more obsession; it was brought to my attention that I can watch "The Dog Whisperer" on channel 70 five nights a week. People had recommended the show to me, although I hadn't put two and two together that 1. the show is on National Geographic, and 2. we get that channel.
I had already developed a mild obsession with Cesar Millan after reading Cesar's Way. But, this week, after spending way too many hours in front of channel 70, it got bad.
I was tickled every time the National Geographic announcer called the channel "Nat Geo," as if the channel were named after a cute little talking gerbil. I marked on my calendar that this Sunday, I cannot miss the show "Inside the Dog's Womb" followed by "Inside the Cat's Womb." I found myself tearing up at the 100th anniversary episode of "The Dog Whisperer," where Cesar Millan gets to meet his childhood hero, Lassie. Yes, it got bad.
I'm now channeling all my energy into trying to assess what kind of energy I'm channeling to Fonzie (although Cesar would say, "Don't try, do.")
I've found myself starting a few too many sentences with, "But Cesar says," and wondering just how much Mr. Millan costs, as most of his clients seem to be rich as hell.
Luckily, another television miracle occurred this week, this one a real, true miracle, that might be able to balance out my channel 70 obsession. As of December 31, North Carolina cable now gets Bravo TV. That's right, just a mere two channels up from Nat Geo, I can now watch reruns of "The Real Housewives of Orange County," and, most importantly, catch up on Season 5 of "Top Chef." I'll ignore the fact that on the first day of Bravo TV on Time Warner Cable in North Carolina, the station ran a marathon of "The Biggest Loser," a show that doesn't even air on that channel. I mean, I can't be picky with my miracles.
But, between going inside the womb of a cat and seeing what Padma is wearing, you betcher bottom that I'll be watching what happens.